


Five Things Sirius and Remus Don't Talk About

by FanficIsLove



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Affection, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, An assortment of drabble, Basically, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay, I haven't posted in a while, Love, M/M, Male Slash, Remus and Sirius are, Some are v descriptive, Tags Are Hard, af, care, enjoy, sorry about that, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficIsLove/pseuds/FanficIsLove
Summary: Remus and Sirius were fairly open to each other, telling the other about pretty much anything they needed to get off of their chests. Conversations ranged from light-hearted, jokey stuff (“No, Sirius. I don’t think Lily is secretly in love with you and is using James as an excuse”) to downright heart-wrenching, tear-jerking stuff (“Remus, you aren’t a monster. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare”). They did have secrets, mind. There were exactly five times they silently agreed they would never speak of as long as they lived and breathed. After all; some things really were better left unsaid.





	

Remus and Sirius were fairly open to each other, telling the other about pretty much anything they needed to get off of their chests. Conversations ranged from light-hearted, jokey stuff (“No, Sirius. I don’t think Lily is secretly in love with you and is using James as an excuse”) to downright heart-wrenching, tear-jerking stuff (“Remus, you aren’t a monster. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare”). They did have secrets, mind. There were exactly five times they silently agreed they would never speak of as long as they lived and breathed. After all; some things really _were_ better left unsaid.

**1**

Sirius Black was a stubborn drunk. And that was the main reason Remus finished his bottle (and demanded more). Apart from that, Remus had been told the night would go along much better if he was at least a little tipsy (which, he learned from previous experiences, meant drink as much as you can, as fast as you can). From some Ravenclaw girl that was apparently also invited, he found out that they were planning on playing Seven Minutes in Heaven; no ifs or buts allowed. This news had him anxiously awaiting the week leading up to the event, but now (with copious, drastically unhealthy amounts of alcohol in his system) he found himself part of a circle of all Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and even Slytherins.

Lily, he noted, was keeping herself to herself in the corner with a book, not really paying attention to anything happening around her. Remus presumed she was dragged by her high-pitched, dark haired friend that always wore her hair in loose curls (of which he never bothered to ask her name) and strutted dramatically whenever she saw Sirius approaching. Lily also seemed blissfully unaware of James drooling over her, notifying Remus, Peter and Sirius of any small movement she made (“James, it’s very nice that she scratched her nose but please stop telling me these things, I’m trying to talk to someone”) and completely failing to capture her attention with any and all attempts he made. No, instead she stuck her nose further into the pages and turned them every few seconds. James grunted in defeat, laying his head on Remus’ shoulder as he saw a blonde Hufflepuff jumble some notes into a hat not too dissimilar to the Sorting Hat in Dumbledore’s office and plonk it down in the middle of the circle.

“Right, let’s get started!” She exclaimed, taking her seat beside her male Ravenclaw companion, “So, I’m assuming we all know the rules?” Unfortunately. “Good! Frank, you start.”

Upon her request, Longbottom arose and clumsily fumbled around in the hat, eventually settling for an identical scrap of paper that had a charm to read the words aloud automatically after being opened. “Andromeda Black!”

A flouncing girl arose with dark-brown/black hair jumped from her seat with a giggle to her sister, pulling Frank into the storage cupboard by the hand. One single loud noise was heard, followed by muffled yelps and other sounds Remus really didn’t want to think about. Thankfully, their seven minutes ended and only left Remus with a few scarring nightmares when they flung open the door, flushed and bitten, and made their way to the group once more. Somewhere in the middle of the whole encounter, Remus had plugged his ears in a desperate attempt to block out the sounds, not needing any more nightmares. Even being as drunk as he was, he still knew what the noises were and that he definitely didn’t want to hear them.

Frankly, he believed the party game to be an excuse for promiscuous teenagers, but he didn’t voice his belief. Before he could think any further, Andromeda exclaimed loudly, “Sirius, you next!”

Sirius chuckled to himself for no particular reason, didn’t bother to get to his feet, and crawled along the floor to the hat. Picking the first piece of paper he felt, he withdrew it with haste and peeled it open, not having enough time to process the words before the booming voice filled the room. “Remus Lupin!”

Remus froze momentarily. His thoughts were an amalgamation of ‘Hell Yeah’s and ‘Fuck no’s. Pondering, he barely noticed being tugged to his feet and dragged into the cubbyhole, having it promptly locked as soon as they were inside by unknown magical forces. He stood as still as a statue.

“Seven minutes?” He forced a stale laugh out of the back of his throat, “Bloody hell, what are we going to do for-“

Sirius shut him up, stepping forward and tugging at Remus’ tie, causing him to fall forward, only for his fall to be caught by Sirius’ hard kiss. He felt strangled and he knew that he should have pulled away, but it felt rude. Surely it wasn’t so bad, having the heartthrob of the school kissing you like there was no tomorrow? No, it couldn’t have been. He was probably just exaggerating. And so, he drew Sirius closer by his messy head of sex-hair, melding their bodies impossibly closer together. 

Air was slowly but steadily becoming a problem, much to their dismay. Sirius pulled away with a grin on his face that Remus couldn’t see, but had a feeling was there.

“Blimey, didn’t know you were like that, Moony.” Sirius teased, playing with his cloak.

“Nor did I.” Remus breathed unintentionally wistfully, dragging Sirius back in for another. Just as he did so, the dark was cracked open by the door swinging open slightly, revealing James on the floor looking at them in utter disbelief of what he had just heard his best friends doing.

**2**

The Yule Ball was fast approaching, and Remus didn’t have a date. Funnily enough, neither did Sirius, despite the pitiful begging some of the girls (and a fair amount of guys) did for him to go with them. Still, he ruthlessly declined and went on with the task he was doing before being ‘so rudely interrupted’. Each and every time he did this, Remus rolled his eyes. How could he go about, prancing and flirting with anything that moved, and say no when the poor victim finally worked up the courage to ask him? Though, Remus concluded, he was Sirius Black, which meant that he could have anything he wanted with just a bat of his pretty eyelashes and maybe a smooch, if they were lucky (which apparently Remus was, but he didn’t like to think about that.)

Still, Remus had lost count of the number of times he’d turned down some of the most popular, unobtainable people in the whole of Hogwarts. If it were him, he would have already said yes a hundred times (but, he remembered, no one would ask him. Why go with a Lupin when you could go with a Black, after all?).

 “Moony, please stop that.” Sirius sighed, pushing back in his chair to get a better look at his subject.

Remus raised an eyebrow, “Stop what?” He was only reading his book, after all.

“Feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not a good look on you.” He leapt from his seat and made his way to Remus, sitting beside him on his bed.

“I’m not feeling sorry for myself, Padfoot.” He scrunched his nose. How could Sirius always tell what he was thinking? It was starting to get creepy.

“Yes, you are.” Sirius fell back on to the bed, making a loud noise as he did so. “You’re thinking of the Yule Ball again, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not.” He lied, “I’m reading my book, and it’s a sad part.” Admittedly it wasn’t entirely untrue, despite having read it several times before so it was a weak excuse, if Sirius ever cared to listen or pay any mind to him. Which he didn’t.

“Alright, whatever you say.” Sirius faked surrender, retreating back to the desk and sitting back in his previous place, “Just rest assured you’ll get asked one of these days.”

 

Sirius was right; much to Remus’ surprise. Three days before the Ball, a petite and rather cute Ravenclaw girl bounced towards him in the Great Hall, a proclamation of love on her peachy lips. After her proposal (and Remus’ agreement), Prongs slapped him on the shoulder like a proud father and Peter beamed along with Sirius across the table. Blushing, he went back to his meal.

In the actual dance, Remus felt lousy. Lousy because his obviously-too-big cloak kept slipping off, making a convincing attempt to pull his suit down with it; lousy because  James had Lily in his arms, guiding her in classic dance that he had convinced the other Marauders to help him practice, letting her bright curls shine and fall over her shoulders and her teal dress spilling over her long legs and on to the ground, dragging slightly as she glided but in a charming way; lousy because his date - the girl from just three days ago – was now allowing herself to be pulled away from Remus and towards the dancefloor by a strapping, fine specimen of a man and into a dance that she fell into wistfully, draping her arms around his muscly neck. Of course, Remus should have expected something to go wrong, with it being him involved, but something in him thought this time would be different. Maybe he was just overly-ambitious, expecting an important event to go right for once. Yeah right.

On the bench he sulked on, a new weight was added. A weight that belonged to a sweaty, grinning Sirius. “Moony! Just the person I was looking for.”

Remus wasn’t in the mood. He remained silent.

“Moony? What’s wrong?” Sirius’ smile dissolved into concern, looking properly at the man beside him.

“Pads, please go. I can’t do this right now.” He huffed, burying his face into his hands, feeling on the verge of tears.

“Do what?”

“ _This._ ” He motioned to the pair of them, “I can’t pretend like everything’s happy and ask you about all the girls you’ve kissed, or who you’ve danced with despite not having an official date and pretend to care. I just can’t. Please, go find someone else to spend some time with and leave me be. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

Sirius looked at him, astounded. “You really think I’m going to leave you alone, especially after what you’ve just told me?”

Remus blinked.

“Poor Remus.” Sirius stuck out his bottom lip and enveloped the werewolf between his arms, “Tell you what, why don’t we go dance?”

Remus shook his head. Surely that wasn’t a smart suggestion. “No, Padfoot. That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not? We’ll go by James and Lily, so we know someone if you feel nervous.” Sirius took his hand and towed him through the crowd, pushing aggressively past the Ravenclaw that ditched Remus and her new partner. It wasn’t particularly hard to find Lily in the crowd, what with her having what seemed like the brightest hair in the whole school. Remus smiled politely at her but stopped abruptly and turned when he felt Sirius grasp one of his hands and hold his waist, pulling  them closer. He almost forgot to breathe.

“Sirius?” His eyes wandered awkwardly, avoiding the dashing man before him, “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? Dancing.”

“Yes, but do we have to be so… close?” Remus felt his face heat up, gesticulating to Lily and James, “Even they’re not that close, and James is desperate…”

Sirius laughed, attracting a few unwanted eyes. “It’s a different type of dance. See? The way he’s twirling Lily; that’s not really a proper ballroom dance.”

“Oh, uh- I see. And why are we doing ballroom dance?”

He shrugged, “Dunno. Thought it’d be easier.”

Remus allowed himself a breath, deciding that asphyxiating wasn’t the best of his ideas. Telling himself he was being irrational, he allowed the two to fall into an easy swaying motion and met Sirius’ gleaming eyes.

His eyes really were such a pretty blue, now that he had the time to look at them up close. Somewhere between a pastel and a stonewash, maybe with silvery dots splodged in them. Like stars in the solar system, Remus concluded with a satisfied smirk.

A loud ‘ _CLANG!’_ sounded from somewhere – presumably the colossal grandfather clock – within the Great Hall. Remus guessed it was midnight, from the worn-out looks on everyone’s faces and how he felt. From the corner of his eye, he saw Evans leaning in towards James – for a kiss! Remus’ eyes nearly popped out of his skull when their lips met – bloody, Potter and Evans, for Christ’s sake! Beside him, Sirius whooped and clapped loudly, once again attracting attention that Remus didn’t want. Now that he took in the scene as a whole, he noticed that more couples were embracing and locking lips, making him feel frozen. Sirius looked at him expectantly.

“Moony?” He asked timidly, “You alright?”

Remus bit his lip. Thinking about it, something in him _really_ wanted to lean in, too – just as Lily had done. Being one to follow his gut instinct, he tightened his grip on the shorter man’s back and tugged him sharply in, halting him with his own chest and silencing him with his own lips.

In surprise, Sirius accidentally hit their teeth together in his attempt to give it his all, but Remus didn’t mind. In fact, when he pulled away, he was speechless, breathless and motionless, bar his spreading smile. For once, an important event had gone right.

**3**

Sirius Black had nightmares. Really bad, monstrous, worms-gnawing-your-legs-to-stumps kind of nightmares. Much to Remus’ dismay, he was always the person who had to coax him out of it. One particular night, Remus awoke to the sounds of sniffling and muffled cries from the Black’s bed to the left of his. Rolling over, he saw the light shining through the thin curtains into the dark room.

“Sirius?” He whispered, “You okay?”

The noises didn’t stop, so Remus assumed he hadn’t been heard. Sighing, he peeled open his curtains and tip-toed across the creaky floorboards, knowing exactly which ones made noise and which ones didn’t. Peeking into Sirius’ bed, he saw a sad sight.

Sirius was curled into a ball, his back against his head board and his head in his hands. The sounds were being consciously silenced by his sopping pillow, covered in his tears and various nose fluids that Remus didn’t care to think too hard about. He looked up when he saw the other boy.

“Moony?” He tried to wipe his tears as he usually did, “What’re you doing?”

Remus clambered into the bed beside his fellow Marauder, “What’s the matter, Padfoot?” Sirius scooted up, giving Remus more room to slide in.

Defeated, Sirius held his head in his hands and hid his face. “Nightmare.”

Knowing what Sirius went through, Remus wrapped his long arms around the boy’s fit body, holding him tight into his chest. He nodded and started making soothing humming sounds, not stopping when Sirius’ head fell to rest on his lithe shoulder, rocking them momentarily.

“It was just-“ Sirius sounded on the verge of tears.

“I know.”

“Remus-“

“You don’t have to relive it.” Remus assured him, “It’s probably healthier if you don’t.”

Sirius huffed heavily, relieved, and fell back into the taller boy’s steady embrace. He closed his eyes and spoke again, “Thank you, Moony.”

“You’re welcome, Padfoot.”

“You’re too kind to me.” Sirius sounded weighted, like he was falling asleep as he spoke, despite being sat upright.

“I know.” Sirius chuckled lightly.

“You’re nice.”

“You’re funny.”

“You’re brilliant.”

“You’re amazing.”

“And you are both gay as hell, can we please go to bed?” James’ voice mumbled from his bed, making Sirius and Remus jump slightly.

“You’re jealous.” Sirius replied childishly, unnecessarily sticking out his tongue to an unseen force.

“You’re gooey.” James retorted.

Having had quite enough, Remus cast a quick silencing spell and tucked them up tightly, dozing off until the early morning. Thankfully, he was too far gone to feel the soft kiss Sirius lay upon his cheekbone endearingly because frankly, Sirius didn’t feel he could deal with the consequences in the morning if he had.

**4**

If there was one thing Lily was exceptionally wonderful at, it was messing with the Marauders. True, she didn’t like to stoop to their level, but this time wasn’t for her personal benefit. Well, not _just_ hers, anyway.

Stepping past the Fat Lady into the Gryffindor common room, Lily saw her upcoming victims. Innocently, she dabbed on some of the contents of the magenta bottle she had slipped into her pocket onto her wrists, giving them a quick sniff herself. Spice and money, as it always was. Satisfied, she approached the Marauders.

“I want your opinions on something.” She stated firmly, looking down at them sat on the couch together, “Alice insists it smells like pine trees and campfires, and Mary keeps saying it’s definitely watercolours and acrylic. What do you think?” She extended her arms, allowing them all to draw closer. Peter answered first.

“Jasmine and Rose.” He shrugged nonchalantly, leaning back in his seat and resuming playing with his wand. She looked to James who wore a confused expression.

“No way, Wormy.” He shook his head and she drew in a breath, “It smells exactly like strawberries and cream.”

She felt giddy as she moved on to Sirius finally, unable to see Remus anywhere. “You?”

He inhaled deeply, coughing at the intensity, “Bloody hell, Evans. You been rubbing chocolate all over your body and bathing in book paper lately? If I didn’t know any better, I’d be thinking you stole Moony and bottled him or something.” He grimaced.

Content, Lily went to the big reveal before Remus stepped in through the portrait, making a noise as though in a great deal of pain.

“Lily! Please don’t tell me that’s you.” He didn’t appear to inhale once as he spoke.

“What, this?” She raised her wrists to him, making him take a step back, almost falling back through the painting.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but your arms reek of wet dog.” He looked away and pinched his nose, only further proving Lily’s point. She crossed her arms proudly.

“Nice one, boys.” She said smugly, happy with herself for thinking up such a good idea.

“What?” James asked.

Rolling her eyes, she pulled out the bottle she had earlier and held it out to him. “Amortentia, James.” She spoke to him as though he were a five-year-old (which he might as well have been, in her opinion), “It changes smell based on what attracts you.”

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance, quickly averting eyes upon meeting. Lily laughed, high-fiving herself mentally for such a good idea.

“Didn’t Slughorn tell us it was virtually impossible to make without a teacher?” James inquired.

“That was to you three. I, on the other hand, do know a few things, you know.” He hummed in eager agreement, wanting to avoid any conversation that would somehow lead to his personal scent.

Unaware, Lily changed the subject and said, “Does anyone know who smells like spice and money?”, making James go an alarming shade of red.

Shrugging, she stepped out of the common room and into the staircase, heading anywhere to find her next victims.

**5**

When Sirius was bored, he drank. When he wasn’t bored, he drank. When he was tired, he drank. When he was awake, he drank. When he was any emotion in the spectrum of human thoughts and feelings, he drank. This time was no exception.

Despite Remus’ best efforts (“No, please don’t touch that- OR THAT”), Sirius finished his sixth bottle with a final gulp and put it sloppily back on the table, grinning from ear to ear at Remus.

“Honestly, Sirius, I have no idea how you can smuggle so much alcohol into Hogwarts.” He rolled his eyes defeatedly.

“Shh…” Sirius pressed a finger languidly to Remus’ lips, earning a tickling sigh from the latter, “Don’t worry about that, Moony…”

Remus didn’t bother moving his finger as he said, “Now, we need to get you to bed. It’s getting late.”

“I don’t wanna go.” Sirius pouted childishly.

“Well, you have to.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Remus said bluntly. He was exhausted. Being perfectly honest, he couldn’t be bothered trying to drag a capricious, reluctant Sirius with him.

Sirius shook his head once gently, slouching slightly into Remus and breaking his bubble. Tired, Remus let his eyes fall shut. If he had to, he could sleep sitting up.

A mum moment passed before he felt Sirius shift beside him. Unable to drag himself out of the overwhelmingly tempting promise of sleep, he waited for an indication that he really _had_ to. Receiving none, he delved back into the strangely comforting darkness. Heat washed over his stoic expression and, before he had time to think of anything, a calm, soft pressure was applied to his chapped lips. Immediately, he jolted up and opened his eyes wide, breaking them apart.

“Sirius!”

Remus scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, unable to form a coherent sentence. After all, what was he going to say? He couldn’t say he was disgusted, because he wasn’t. He couldn’t say he wanted to be left alone, because he didn’t. He couldn’t say that he didn’t want it to happen again, because it would have been a lie. So, he sat motionless and waited for Sirius to take the reins. Thankfully, he did. It wasn’t with his words, however.

Sirius visibly gulped and crawled back towards a furiously blushing Remus, settling his hands on either side of his slim face. Gently, he brought their lips together again into a mutually appreciated kiss. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him in closer, virtually sitting him on his lap.

“Moony?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s go to bed.”

Remus nodded in hazy agreement. In his euphoria and subconscious thrum, he almost forgot how intoxicated Sirius was. Though he didn’t want to believe it, he knew that the incident would be yet another addition to the long list of forgotten (or at least apparently by Sirius) moments. After all, it was just another thing they didn’t talk about. No big deal.


End file.
